Tuesday, October 17, 2017


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Moving... away.

Things left unsaid.

“The many things we left unsaid will become the rift between us and the regret in our lives.” , she said. 

Sadly, he continues to be indifferent towards her. 

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Remember the Broken Ones

"Broken Ones"

Cross your heart and say you've never given up
That you carried on when every door was shut
That you live, you live with no regret
We wear a smile to hide that we’ve been hurt before
Keep our disasters in a suitcase by the door
'Cause you know, you know we’re only human

So lay your hands on the left behind
We all know how it feels to be forgotten for a while
In a crowded place trying not to feel alone
Just remember that we’ve all been broken once
Let’s love the broken ones, yeah, yeah
Love the broken ones

Raise your glass to all the words we never say
We do our best, but still we look the other way
'Cause sometimes it’s easier to run
'Cause after all, we’re only human

Sunday, October 08, 2017

Gone too soon.

How lonely, desperate, empty and broken must they have felt when they decided to take their own lives?...




A demon with no face.

Depression has no "face".

Broken Little Girl

I really try not to depend on people as much as I can. I really do. Everybody else has their own lives to lead. I try not to trouble other people. 

Moved to new place all by myself in the middle of the night, bought stuff and unpacked all by myself, fixed up stuff all by myself, etc. Of coz Mom helped a bit. 

But sometimes it becomes so exhausting that I just want to stop, sit, cry and heck care and wish for a hug so I can continue on.

Wouldn't it be nice. 

But I know I only have myself, as tiring as it may be. No one will be coming to my rescue. 

"Broken in more ways than one."

Saturday, September 16, 2017


I dreamt of you again. 

You were so close. I could feel your breath on my face. We almost kissed. 

I shouldn't but I secretly hope but nah...

Just friends. 

Monday, September 11, 2017


Stop Feeling

I feel like I'm back at square one; back to when you left me, back to when you just started to ignore me suddenly. 

I feel so empty again. 

My wound never healed. There was just a band aid over it and knowing you have social media accounts was that violent rip-off of that band aid. 

Everything came falling apart again.

I feel empty and hollow again. That pain and ache in the heart. That sour feeling I have behind my eyes. 

I want to cry. 

I feel like crying. 

I don't want to feel the pain anymore. 

I... want to stop feeling. 

Sunday, September 10, 2017

We weren't.

It's been two years. 

My heart still aches for someone who was never mine. 

And I still miss you the most, Mr Toh. 

Sunday, June 11, 2017


Clearing my photo album and deleting some old and unnecessary pictures. 

Came across some of you and some which reminded me of you. 

Deleted some of those too. 

How I wish I can completely delete you too. 


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Inner Struggle

Everyday is a struggle with our own inner demons. 

Sometimes we win. 
Sometimes we lose, even after we put up a strong fight. 

What happens when we succumb?

Do we slowly lose ourselves? 
Do we apologise?
Do we move on? 

Will we find ourselves, again?

"All the gods, all the heavens, all the hells, are within you."

- Joseph Campbell

Thursday, August 11, 2016

My Sprinkle of Stardust

I still miss you. 
I still think of you everyday. 

And it's hard especially coz I can't msg you anymore. 

And it hurts to know that you do not care at all, anymore. I am nothing more than an insignificant piece of your past. 

We were nothing more than playmates. I was just someone for you to pass time with. 

That would be it if I choose to think the worse of you but I still feel that you are better than that. 

Perhaps I still should have listened to my brain than my heart and I wouldn't have landed myself in this mess and pit hole which I can't get out of. 

Will I really never hear from you ever again?
Will I ever be able to really move on?

The wound still feels raw. I can still feel the heartwrenching pain and I continue to feel it everyday. 

Will you forget about me?
Will I be forgotten?

Maybe You already have. 

This sucks. Really. I am trying. I really am. But nothing seems to be working. 

I know we were never meant to be and we were never meant to last. Though there was a fleeting phase when I thought you could be the one but alas. 

Good times really never last. 
In fact, nothing does. 

You changed, promises broke and all is lost. I lost you. 

When I see your last seen, I wonder if you're chatting up with another girl already. A girl who could possibly look like me but more age appropriate for your taste. 

How sad. Separated by more than a decade of time. 

I miss how you made me feel. How wanted and doted you made me feel. I miss how you hold me and my hand. I miss how you make me smile and laugh with your weird antics and lame jokes. 

I really do miss our happy times together, even more than I think about the 10 years I had with Mr L. Coz I could tell you cherished me more than he ever did. But it just wasn't enough for you. 

I wasn't enough. And I guess I never will be. 

I wish I can let you go like how you have let me go. And now I just wish we can be friends. 

Ohh how I wish for many a things... but we all know that wishes do not come true. 

You were my little sprinkle of stardust at the darkest time of my life. When you left, you left me in a darker place than I was in before. 

Yes, you meant so much to me and still do. But you will never know and most importantly, you do not care. 


Saturday, August 06, 2016

Lost Forever

I guess you've shifted house. 
I guess I'll never see you again. 
I guess I'll never hear from you again. 

You really are lost forever, from me. 

This is really quite hard to bear, even though it's been 6 months since you ignored me. 

Everywhere I go, I still try to look for you. I hope I can see you again. I hope I can talk to you again. 

But I know chances are slim or even impossible. 

You're lost, forever. Aren't you? 

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Thursday, March 31, 2016


It's scary how everything drastically changes when someone stops caring. It's even scarier that humans are capable of this abrupt change overnight and stop caring. 

About one year ago, you said that you care about me and I was nice to talk to and you want to talk to me. 

Fast forward about 11 months, you want nothing to do with me. Your caring stopped. I was no longer nice to talk to. You no longer want to talk to me. 

I wish you hadn't try to fix me only to leave me with a bigger gap than what I had before. Coz you were so nice to me and made me so happy. 

I don't regret the great times and memories we shared. When I recall them, they do make me happy but only for a split moment then it's just overwhelming sadness. 

I just wish we can at least be friends. 


It's really tiring to fake a smile everyday though it's easier coz people will then stop asking if I'm okay. But I really felt like crying today and did tear up in the office. 

Just felt a tad more depressd today than usual. 

I'm so tired. Tired of missing you. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

E m p t y

Got the bicycle but realised that it wasn't filling up the void in my heart like I thought it would. 

Now my heart feels even emptier. 

I try to be happy infront of people coz I don't want them to worry or ask, and they could also be having problems of their own. 

So I'm only left with my alone time to be sad, or just wallow in my sadness and self pity. 

I know in the grander scheme of things, my emotional and mental issues are minute. But to me, they are overwhelming me. I don't feel happy, at least not genuinely. 

I don't know how to be happy anymore. I forgot how to be happy on my own. 

I just feel empty, so very empty inside. 

Yes, I have XB and I love him very much but this void just seems unfillable by him. 

I am just super glad and relieved that I have him. I really can't imagine how shittier my life would be if I don't have him. 

That's my blessing in life - XB. 

I hope I can stop feeling so shitty and empty soon. 

"The Hurt were once The Brave."